Bos491233 (original poster member #86116) posted at 3:52 PM on Wednesday, December 17th, 2025
Have any of you run into this scenario where things are improving (rather significantly) but your brain is stuck in this mode where it wants to resist the progress almost like it feels like the wayward hasn't endured enough of the pain yet in order for you to move on. It feels so petty, but there are times where emotionally I'm feeling like there's been so much improvement between her and I and then my mind puts the brakes on and says "wait a minute, you're letting her off too easy...she needs to continue to feel your anger and sorrow more". My IC talks about stopping and acknowledging those thoughts as fight or flight reactions that are still lingering and my brain wanting to know that it's "safe" to keep moving forward. It seems to be a unique emotion tied to infidelity like so many others we go through.
Carpenter81 ( new member #86784) posted at 4:04 PM on Wednesday, December 17th, 2025
100% understand this. I think it is completely normal. My W struggles with this roller coaster from me sometimes, almost expecting a rough week if we've had a great weekend together. She understands and doesn't get angry, but it makes her sad. Your post sounds so much like my pattern sometimes.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:07 PM on Wednesday, December 17th, 2025
Wise IC.
Actions can be criminal. Thoughts are just thoughts.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
